Fade Into Black Integra's POV
by MichelleKelly
Summary: An AU story from another point of view, original is posted under the Knights of the Round Table read before you trash me.
1. Chapter 1

Fade into Black (From Integra's point of view.) As I turn towards the Dark.

A/N: The author who wrote this story originally has been ostracized from the Knights of the round Table, and this story was in progress during the time, it was deleted and re-written by the woman who lived with the original author.

It was getting close to the holidays, and most of my men had left on holiday leave. I however occupied my mansion nearly alone, except for the commanding officer, Pip Vernadead, who chose to leave nearer to the holidays, for the fact that his family lived nearby. I stared blankly out my office window for a while, before getting back to work. Pip paced outside my door before opening it, we exchanged a few words and I told him to go home.

"I can protect myself from whatever 2-bit terror that has decided to run rampant tonight." He approached me from behind.

"Can you protect yourself from me?" My eyes dilated.

He refused, and put his hands on my shoulders. I stood up and attempted to twist away, but it ended up with the both of us on the floor. He was on top of me; he pinned down my arms, and tore at my suit. I screamed at him to get off of me, and he only told me to shut up. I screamed orders in his face and all he said was:

"Do you think that ever works when a man rapes a woman!" I gasped, at that moment I knew the inevitable. I wasn't stupid, I knew that a man was stronger that a woman. I made a mental call to Alucard, but found the pathway strangely blocked. I screamed bloody murder hoping that through hell and high water someone would hear.

No one did.

I prayed that I would die before the end, not wanting to ever feel the touch of a man ever again, as long as I lived. I was for the first time that I could remember-afraid. I was screaming inside as well as out. This fear outweighed the fear of death. I was beginning to feel an ungodly amount of weight against my hips and thighs. I watched in horror as he undid his pants and leaned over me, undoing mine and tearing through my undergarments like a vampire would tear a person to rags. I saw the sadistic smile he had on his face and wondered where he got the lip ring. I was still attempting to overthrow him, fighting against his well-muscled frame, cursing like a sailor and spitting in his face. If he wanted me that badly, I would fight him to the death, I will never allow myself to be taken easily, by any man regardless of who they are. I admit now that as I write this, I have a fear of intimacy, and affection. I am sure that it was always there, I never was used to affection as a child, therefore, and it is something that unnerves me.

That was when I felt it, the penetration. I screamed as my hymen tore, and slowly bled. I bit my tongue and dealt with forceful thrusts. I knew there was no point in resisting, I knew that I needed to save whatever shred of energy I had left. The damage had already been done, my worst fear come true. I became trapped within the nightmare, I felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs in a crowded room and no one turned, or lifted their head. I could hear the music I left on the player, Mozart, playing eerily in my nightmare. I thought that the heat he released would scald me, I shut my eyes tightly and bit my tongue trying to remove my thoughts from the horrendous act that was happening to me.

He finished and lifted himself from me. I didn't realize how much his body had warmed mine.

"Merry fucking Christmas bitch." He said. It irked me; Pip usually talked to me with respect and decency keeping the obscenities for the poker games with his buddies. I felt pain when I sat up and noticed the blood that was lying underneath me. I sat for a moment unsure what to do. Slowly, and with pain I stood up and went to the bath that was attached to my office. I took the towels and bleach and cleaned up the blood that was on the ceramic tile floor. Afterwards I stripped my torn and ragged clothes, and returned his scorching heat with scalding water, burning my sensitive flesh. I repeatedly scrubbed my skin till it was raw, I felt so dirty, so impure. I felt that as though I couldn't wash him from myself, I still could smell him, feel him hear him. My mind was running rampant screaming at me. This was the first time I actually considered suicide as the way out. I knew it was cowardly, but that was the thoughts that were running through my mind. I stepped out of the shower and dressed in my nightclothes. I walked across the hall to my room, where Walter had left a fire roaring before he left. I took my torn clothes and my towels and threw them into the bright flames, which lapped at them hungrily. I poured myself a glass of red wine, and downed it quickly. I soon poured another, and I went through wine like water until almost 3 bottles were gone. I looked towards my dresser and saw the prescription bottle of sleeping pills that the doctor had given me for my recent insomnia. I took the bottle into my shaking hands and poured out a handful of pills. I chased them down with another glass of wine, then threw the flute into the fire. I lay down to my bed and let out a frustrated blood-curdling scream, and cried till the pills and the Cheshire cat took me into a dreamless slumber.

End Chapter 1

Littlevicky

Victoria Drayckul-Dellivun.

Dec. 27.05


	2. Chapter 2

Fade into Black Chapter 2 

A/N: things are not what they seem to be, therefore read the entire story under the knights of the Round Table if you feel like flaming or leaving a bad review in co-ordination with the plot line, if it is about my writing style/skill/ rawness of it or whatever, then go right ahead and flame.

My head throbbed when I woke up the next morning, along with the rest of my body, my back stomach and thighs were bruised. I knew the date, it was Christmas. I sat up and tried to clear my mind enough to figure out what to do. Moments later I saw Walter emerge from my bathroom.

"Walter why are you here, I thought you went home for the holidays?"

"I did sir, I got back this morning."

"Walter today is Christmas."

Nor sir, It's the day after Christmas" Walter said calmly.

"My god, I have been sleeping for 2 days." I lamented

"Integra, what happened, you're all banged up, I have never seen you like this." Quickly I thought of a lie, I hated having to lie to the most important person in my life.

"I fell down the stairs" I lied.

"How did you fall down the stairs."

"I rolled my ankle, Walter."

"Integra, don't lie to me, your ankle is not swollen, what happened Integra, you can trust me."

I cursed inside.

"Walter I would rather not talk about." I said, he put a blanket over my shoulders, and handed me a cup of tea. "Walter, Where is our commanding officer Pip?"

"He still has not returned, Sir why?" I bowed my head, I didn't know how long I could keep this bit of information to myself. "Integra?"

"Walter?"

"how many sleeping pills did you take?"

"I don't remember." I replied laying my head on his shoulders. I felt nauseous and left for the bathroom. I vomited liquid salvation down the porcelain bowl. I felt Walter pull my hair back as I vomited. After wards he gave me a glass of water to rinse my mouth. He then helped me back to my bed. I still felt dirty. "Walter I need to shower." He took his hand off of my arm and left the room. I went into the bath and stripped my nightclothes and once again I scalded my skin, until the tawdry flesh turned red. Afterwards I put on a pair of pajama pants and a tank top, and lay back on my bed. I found it difficult to sleep having slept so long the last 2 days. I rose from the bed and sat on my balcony for a long while, thinking about the horrendous event that had just happened a few days before. It was still so vivid in my mind. The scents, the sounds, the touch, the pain, all are still so vivid. I realized I hadn't eaten in 2 days but I still wasn't hungry. My stomach felt so full, and sick. I wanted to scream but felt I couldn't. My whole body was rejecting me.

2 Month's later.

My rape was still fresh in my mind. Although I tried to return to normal, I found my only comfort in reading, a comfort that I could only do before I caught my meager hours of sleep. I felt so absolved by those events that every morning I woke up sick, and nauseous. Walter had asked me to see a doctor. He thought I was pregnant. After he nearly begged me on his hands and knees, I went. I remember waiting for the results. I was scared, I prayed to God, that I wasn't pregnant. I knew it was possible. Walter was the one that answered the phone when the doctor called I was sleeping at the time. He came up to my room, I woke up and got ready. That was when Walter broke the news to me.

"Sir the Doctor called."

"Yes?"

"Integra, you're 2 months pregnant." My fear had come true, I felt the ground fall from under me and my head spin, after that everything **_Faded to Black. _**


	3. Chapter 3

Fade into Black chapter 3 from Integra's point of view.

I awoke on my bed, Everything seemed in such a flurry, my mind raced. After a few moments Walter knocked at my door.

"Sir there is a council meeting in an hour. Should I call them and tell them that you can not attend?"

"No Walter I will be attending." My body felt sore as I rose from my bed to prepare myself for the meeting. I changed my suit, and gloves, I lightly brushed my hair and took a few moments to sit and calm myself. Once again Walter knocked.

"Sir council is here and waiting."

"Thank you Walter." I straightened my cravat and walked down the long hall to the council room. I felt so nervous as I opened the door. I took my seat, trying not to make contact with their ravenous eyes. I wanted a cigar, but I realized that I was pregnant, and that I best stop smoking for the time being.

"This meeting has been called so that we can figure out how to deal with the recent vampire outbreaks in Night Clubs." Sir Irons started.

"The outbreaks have occurred when humans were given a small pill thought to be LSD. The components in the pill have triggered certain enzymes in the body and changed their DNA chemically, therefore turning them into artificial vampires." I said, the only knowledge that I had about the subject off hand. I noticed strange warmth between my legs and looked down, it was dark like blood. I stood quickly, knocking over my chair. "I am miscarrying my baby!" I screamed.

"Integra you are pregnant outside of wedlock! Shame on you!"

"Now is not the time! I am losing my baby!" I yelled. The ambulance seemed like it took hours, my life and my unborn child's were put in their hands. I was so scared, granted that I did not want this child, I should not be the one to end its life that was God's job not mine. I don't know what drugs they gave me. But I remember sleeping peacefully for the first time that I could recall.

(I am sorry that this chapter is short, there is not much that I could do to extend it. The next chapter will be much longer.)


	4. Chapter 4

Fade to Black Chapter 4 (5) KOTRT

I sat in the hospital bed, carelessly playing with the bracelet on my wrist. I kept my eyes downcast, and my shoulders sagged.

"Sir," Walter walked in.

"Yes, Walter?" I replied back, not really wanting to talk.

"Who was the father of the baby, it was no one in the troops none of them fit the DNA profile."

"Test again, test the commanding officer." I ordered. I knew something was dreadfully wrong, and I couldn't name what.

"Sir he has been tested thrice, he is not the father."

"That's impossible." I said. I was becoming aggravated, why wasn't Pip's DNA matching the Fetus? There was no possible explanation.

"Sir is the captain the father of the child?" he asked. I nodded silently.

"The DNA test did not prove-"

"Screw the DNA test Walter, do you believe I would lie to you? Do you take me for a child?" I screamed, I can't believe that he would doubt me. It irked me. I am not one to lie.

"Of course not sir."

"Leave Walter, you're making me upset." I dismissed him and hoped to get a few hours of sleep, the nurses had kept me on drugs to relieve stress, and they made me tired.

"As you wish sir." He turned and left the room. I leaned back and rested, I was sore, tired and upset. After a few moments a nun entered the room.

"Miss Hellsing, would you like to speak with a counselor? After all, you miscarried you child." I was tired and did not care.

"Sure, why not." I answered keeping my eyes closed. Hoping that the nurse would leave and allow me some rest.

"Good morning to ye." He said thick with an accent.

"Alexander Anderson! The paladin!" I exclaimed. I stiffened, the last thing I needed was the enemy in my hospital room.

"And whit be wrong whit ye?" he asked.

"Why are you here?" I asked. This was not at all right.

"I am here to offer comfort to ye, sae whit be the problem?" he replied. I bowed my head.

"I- I miscarried my baby." I whispered. Anderson sat on the chair next to my bed. I wanted him to leave but couldn't find strength within myself to utter those words.

"That es jest terrible naw." He whispered taking my soft hand, immediately I pulled away. Human contact was terrible, I couldn't stand it, made me want to vomit, but then again it could have been the drugs.

"I don't need your pity." I said angrily.

" I ain't be pitying ye."

"Then why are you here?" I asked, with spite. I did not need some catholic priest counseling me, I am not one to be counseled I do not have time or the expense to let my emotions or anything else get in the way of my duty.

"I only be here to offer comfort to those who be needing it, and Ae can tell you be needing it, ye aren't made of steel Madam." I closed my eyes and kept my head low. "I know ye be in pain, I know ye need help."

"I don't think that you should be the person doing so." I whispered. I was exhausted and hurt both physically and emotionally, he knew that, in a way he knew my weakness.

" Who else would you prefer madam?" he asked.

"Someone Protestant." I whispered. "Not the enemy,"

"I not be the enemy, but simply a messenger of God's will." he replied. I turned my head away from him and towards the window. Anderson wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. I relented and allowed him to I was to exhausted to do otherwise and among the 2 Iscariot priests he was the smarter one, he knew better then to harm a woman.. "I know we have our differences, but there are similarities in our religions as well," I nodded mutely.

"I know there are differences, and it's those differences that have put us into separate ways." She replied.

"The Protestant pastor is allowed to marry and have offspring. The catholic is not." He gave a quick example.

"What do you think would happen if Enrico or anyone else found us here like this?" I asked.

" Would it matter you don't care what people think of you now do you?" I nodded, I could feel his warm breath on my neck. For whatever unfathomable reason I nuzzled him lightly. There was a pregnant pause between them, before Alexander Anderson began to speak in his soothing voice.

It was late before I awoke and realized that I had fallen asleep in the enemy's arms. I groggily turned my head, Anderson had fallen asleep with his head bowed resting against mine. The moon was large and full. I moved slowly and druggily. What had they given me? There was an eerie silence in the hospital. Slowly I moved away from the priest, and settled back into my own bed, and before I could start to think straight I fell asleep.

I woke groggy the next morning, whatever doctor had given me, was too much. Anderson still sat by my bed unmoving.

"Why are you still here?" she asked.

"There is something that I be wanting to talk to you about." He replied. " To long I have watched you from afar, the beauty that you possess, the strength that you alone own, and everything that you stand for Integra."

"What are you saying Anderson?" I asked. He was making me nervous Priest are not supposed to talk in such a way. Fear reared its head in my mind.

" I be saying that I am quitting the father hood, to pursue ye"

"What?" I asked. I was completely dumbfounded, was this a joke? If so it was not a very funny one.

"I be in love you Integra and you should know it."

"Anderson I don't understand." I was nearly stuttering, I could not believe the words that he had just said.

"I love you."

"This is not a joking matter." I said, whoever put him up to this was going to pay.

"I not be joking Integra."

"I don't want a relationship." I said, I had never had one and could live fine with out the ties of a man. I knew it would be impossible for me to hold a relationship in my state.

Why?" is it because I be Catholic?" he asked.

"It's because I was raped." I whispered.

"What?" Anderson demanded.

"I was raped." I repeated. I didn't know what else to say, I had to tell someone, it was just too much on my shoulders.

"Who was it, Integra, tell me the name of the man who raped you."

"…" I refused to reply, I couldn't possibly tell him (This originally was the chapter break.)

"Integra why won't you tell me."

"Because its' none of your damn business that's why!" I screamed, livid.

"Integra, who else knows about this?" he asked.

"No one you are the first person that I have told." I lamented

"Dear god." He whispered.

"This is not your problem." I said. I already regretted telling him.

"You have just made it mine." He whispered back taking her hand in his.

"You can not possibly understand what has been going on," I murmured under my breath. I prayed to God, that he would just leave.

"No I can't but I know you're in pain and you're screaming inside, I know you need help getting through this tough time."

"I don't know if I can ever get through this." I muttered with seriousness.

" I can help you Integra. If you allow me to I can help you."

"…"

"Although I can not understand what you are going through, I do know how to help you." I sighed my hands shook.

"You…y…you can not tell anyone, anyone about this ever, if you do, I will kill you with my own 2 hands, do you understand?" I said my voice falling apart more with every word, that fell from my lips. Alex took my hands in his,

"Integra you have my word that I will never tell anyone about what you have just told me. It would not be right to tell anyone else, whether you know them or not, this is something that you need to tell others, not me."

" I can't tell people, Alex, I just can't, it was hard enough to tell you, and you are one of the few people that I trust, sadly." Wow, I thought, that was pathetic, I just told the enemy I trusted him.

"If you can tell me you should be able tell the other people that you trust."

"Those are few and far between." I muttered. He wrapped his strong arms around me. I tensed.

"What about your butler?" Anderson inquired.

"He's more like my father than a friend I can trust." I said, I couldn't possibly tell him, it would give him a heart attack.

"What about Alucard?" he asked.

"Hell no." I said, Even though I am positive at that moment he already knew. With his telepathic abilities and all.

"You police child?"

"Possibly." I said, I had no reason not to trust her, after all she would be easy to dispose of if I couldn't

"Maybe you should start by telling her." He replied. I nodded. I called Walter to beckon the police girl within the room.

"Anderson will you please leave us for a spell." I demanded politely. He nodded and left the hospital room closing the door behind him.

"Poli- Seras, there is something, that I ought to tell you, for your own safety." I paused nervously and inhaled deeply. I had no idea how I was going to tell her this. "Back when you left for home at Christmas Time, I was raped by a man that is in our ranks." Seras eyes widened and teamed with blood, her lips trembled.

"Who Integra who, who raped you?" she asked. I inhaled deeply, I was shaking, I couldn't help it.

"It was Captain Pip Vernadead."

"You lie! The captain would never do such a horrible thing! Is this some sick joke! What is wrong with you!" Seras screamed at me.

"ENOUGH! Seras if you think that I would lie to you about something this intense then you are sorely mistaken. What would I have to gain from this?" I yelled back, who the hell did she think she is to doubt me. I do not lie.

"Impossible. He would never do such a thing, and besides he was with me during the Christmas season!"

"What do you mean he was with you?" I asked, I felt a sudden nausea. Why did that not seem right.

"We visited his grandfather and mother during Christmas, afterwards we visited my parents graves."

"Seras I swear, I would not lie to you like this, I have nothing to gain," I held my head in my hands. "I do not know what is going on."

"I believe that you were raped. I just don't believe that Pip did it, he can't be in 2 places at once." I bowed my head as foreign water filled my eyes. "Integra, look at me, I do believe you, rape happens more often than you know, I witnessed my mother's rape, before and after she died." I wiped the tears from my eyes. "So although I don't know exactly how you feel, I can imagine, how difficult this is for you right now."

"The drugs, make my eyes water." I said. I guess I am a liar.

"Integra, I can bring Pip in here and prove that he did not do what you say he did." I knew I had to confront this sooner or later. I watched as Seras left for a moment and came back with the commanding officer. I stiffened in the bed. Pip removed his hat out of respect. I was so scared. I know that now. He wasn't wearing that lip ring I had seen him with that Christmas night. "Pip where is your lip ring?" I asked.

"Sir I have never had a lip ring." He said puzzled at my question.

"this isn't right, my mind is playing against me." I wanted to scream, I knew I had to get to the bottom of this mess.

End 4


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up late the next morning, my head throbbed. I could not believe what was going on. My mind was spinning, racing, God, I wanted to die. What would my fatmy think if he saw me now?

I am unsure of myself.

God Help me.

I call for Walter and ask him to bring me some water. After a while the doctor comes in and I ask him when I can be released. He says I can leave later today. Thank God can't stand being mye. It's a pain in the behind, plus I'm sure that I have mounds of paperwork to do once I get back. Dear God I need a vacation. I'm so tired that I fall asleep.

The Cheshire cat laughed at me from the tree, The grim reaper pointed and made gestures, the scene spun mixing many colors and blending them to create one common figure. The shadowed figure of a man with long braided hair. I turned my head and there was the outlined figure of Jan Valentine, I turned my head and the outlined figure of Alexander Anderson. I leaned back, and Seras figure lay outlined in a silhouette. Cheshire Cat laughed and mocked my, turning his head around, bouncing it in his heads. Then the floor fell through and I fell into ice that cracked and refused to hold my weight. A crackling laughter followed my, an Australian laughter. The water chilled me to the bone, I was unable to think, to speak to move. Figures formed among the ice, Cheshire cat mocked me once again, and the shadows of Alucard and his mistress Isis©, formed. I began to sink, I floated through the water, till the ocean floor gave out and I found myself wet and shaking, in a black room with no windows or doors, only a giant movie screen. The screen flicked on, and I saw the night of my rape over again, from a spectator's point of view. I saw myself fight, buck and scream, twist, curse and spit. I saw the look of pleasure in Pip's eyes. The glare off of his lip and eyebrow ring. I saw the rippling muscle on his arms, and chest. I watched myself cry, and withdraw myself from society.

Then I woke up. I was shaking, sweating, and naked. _Who undressed me? Where am I?_ I wondered, I looked around at my surroundings, my nightstand held my glasses, my hand touched a cool satin sheet. I looked to my right, and the moon shone brightly out my window. I realized I was at home. Still, who undressed me? I laid myself back down, my sheets were cool and soothing. I pulled the top sheet to cover my nudity. I took my glasses off of the nightstand and read the clock. It was early morning, and I couldn't remember anything past the afternoon. Realizing I would not be able to go back to sleep, I threw on my white silk robe, and walked out of my room and down the hallway. Due to the hours the mansion was near empty, I saw only one other figure at the far end of the hallway, and due to the distance I couldn't make out the person. It wasn't until he was a few feet away that I realized it was Pip. My entire body tensed. As I walked past him, he grabbed my arm and threw me to the wall. One hand tore under my robe and the other muffled my mouth. I would not let it happen again, I tore my free hand to his head attempting to scratch his eyes, I knocked the hat and wig off of his head. I gasped, giving me enough time to knee the assailant in the groin, and he fell off of my. I stood up and closed my robe, before grabbing the gun attached to his thigh. My abundant chest heaved.

"Who are you!"

"Damn bitch I thought you'd be smarter than that." My head spun wildly.

"ALUCARD!" I screamed, before I blacked out.


	6. Chapter 6

Fade to Black.

I panted, my head spun wildly. I screamed for Alucard again. I felt cold dead hands on my shoulders.

"You screamed Integra?" I swooned from a head rush. The figure picked itself up off of the floor,

"Damn bitch, you sure do got some fucking problems." He said.

"Jan Valentine." I stated.

"That's my name bitch don't wear it out."

"You're dead, this is impossible, I killed you with my own hands. You're dead."

"Fuck, bitch, I only spontaneously combusted, that ain't going to kill a vampire." There was a shuffling behind my. Alucard pulled out the Jackal, and pointed it to the vampire's head. With a thundering boom he pulled the trigger. Blood splattered over my scantily clad self. I pulled my robe to cover more of my creamy skin.

"That's him." I muttered.

"Huh?" Alucard asked.

"That's him that's the man that raped me." I curled into a ball, and pressed my face into my knees.

"I wish I could have killed the bastard sooner."

2 ½ years later.

"With this ring, Thee I wed." The ring was slid over my finger.

"You may now kiss the bride." Warm lips pressed against mine, and I was drawn into a gentle embrace. In order to accommodate certain guests, The wedding was held at night. There would be no reception.

My dress was beautiful, made of white silk, and it showed off my features, unlike my large, baggy suits. It was low cut, with a tight waist, showed off how beautiful I really was. Anderson took my hand and led me to the bedroom. I was silent, dreading the consummation of my marriage. After entering the bedroom, I closed the door and locked it. I inhaled deeply, and with trembling hands, began to unzip my dress. Alex walked over and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"I know you've been through a lot. If you don't want to do this now, I understand."

"There is no better, time we are going to have to do this sooner or later." Alex helped me out of my dress. I knew its would still take time to put the rape behind me, and Alex was there to help me


End file.
